Cosmo the Dogg is, quite possibly, the cutest dog in the world. He is roughly 6-7 lbs and 5 lbs of that is pure personality.
When we lived at our apartment, we kept Cosmo’s treats in the bottom drawer of the kitchen. When he wanted one, he would go to the drawer and scratch the handle. When we moved into the house, we thought he would never be able to figure out where we kept his treats because there were so many drawers and cabinets. Boy were we wrong.
We put the treats in the pantry in the kitchen. Since the pantry has a door, there is a door stopper at the bottom of the baseboard. You know the ones: they look like this.
One day, Cosmo started hitting the door stopper so it made this noise: ”doooooiiiiiiiiinnnngg boooooinnnng”. He would do it over and over and over until we finally got up and got him a treat. Pupperonis are his favorite – so if you’re reading this CEO of Pupperoni, I could really use some free product because this dog basically eats these in lieu of dog food. I know it’s a bad habit for the dog, but have any of you tried studying for the freakin’ bar exam while listening to the boing-doing of a doorstopper all day??? Don’t judge me. Since then, it’s been hard trying to break him of the habit. They must line those treats with crack cocaine or something.
It’s gotten bad. Real bad. I’m *this close* to calling A&E’s “Intervention” to see if I can get the dog some help. He does it in front of company, he does it ALL day long and he even gets up in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT and does it. How would you feel if, at 2 A.M., you heard “dooooooooing -booooing”?? We tried to ignore it but after 2 HOURS of it, we gave in for the sake of getting a good night’s sleep. Now, he gets up AT LEAST once, maybe twice in the middle of the night for a treat. He is very much like a newborn child.
One time, we had just crawled into bed and we heard a familiar sound, yet at a different pitch. It was a “boing-doing”, however, it was the door stopper behind our bedroom door -which means Cosmo knows that those things are behind doors and that is where he can find them. Lord help us.
Oh sure, company thinks it is the CUTEST thing ever. And trust me, the first few times, it was hilariously adorable. But now?? Now it’s ridiculous. Here are some pictures that my brother captured at our Superbowl Party:
So, to recap, while my guests are watching the Superbowl, Cosmo is in the kitchen BEGGING for crack.
Today, I was cleaning up the house and Cosmo was doing his usual “boing-doing” and I was doing my usual “pretending to be a hard-ass”. It went on for about 15 minutes and then…then it just…stopped. It was glorious. I got a little worried thinking he had finally over-dosed or something so I go to the kitchen and find this:
Doods, he BROKE THE METAL doorstopper! He had hit it so many times that it just gave out. I think this is what is called “rock bottom”. I looked at him and he was so pitiful – he was still hitting it and rolling it around the kitchen floor – but he couldn’t figure out why it stopped “boing-ing”. He has been depressed all morning. I called and told my husband and he said, “Well, we have to get him another one”. I said, “Oh, of course we do.”
We are enablers. That’s what Dr. Drew would tell us.
The worst part about having a child struggling with addiction is that I’m on edge. I’m just waiting for him to find another door-stopper and scare the be-jeez out of me with the new sound. Just…waiting…
UPDATE: he has now just resorted to scratching the door and whining in the most pitiful, high pitch way possible.
Do you think they can deliver those door stoppers or should I just head to Home Depot RIGHT now?
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